open letters
An open letter to Small Child
You are not bigger than me, you are not better than me, and you are so not smarter than me.
I am six and a half feet tall. Six foot six inches. To give you some perspective, you know your Bob the Builder doll that for some insane reason is your favorite toy? Well, stack thirteen Bobs on top of each other and I'm still taller. You can't count to thirteen, but trust me when I say it's a big number.
Let's talk about weight now. I fluxuate between 230 and 280 pounds. You weigh 45.8 pounds--and that's with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your stomach. I could gain or lose your weight with ease. Just give me a few months.
You cannot destroy me, even if you use your Dark Magician card in attack mode.
If you keep bragging about beating me at Tic Tac Toe, then we might have to have a rematch for all the marbles (and I mean this literally). Oh, and when we tied at Go Fish? Yeah, I gave you two turns to my one and never once asked for cards I knew you had after you showed me because your hands are too small to hold six mini cards.
Guess what? I can wipe my own booty. I also brush my own teeth, too, by the way, but there's no need to show off.
And don't think you can pull anything on me. Your tricks are old hat. You're too full for more sandwich, but you'll be glad to partake of a half dozen cookies? No doubt. And the way you shut your eyes tightly to make me think you're sleeping isn't fooling anyone. I'm like Santa. I know when you're awake. I know when you've been bad or good so if you don't pipe it down up there I'm gonna come up and make you sorry for goodness sake.
I'd like to add a couple numbers to the list of those you don't know: 98, 19. The first is the year you were born. The second is how old I was that year. Don't try to play me for a fool, 'cause this fiddle don't got no notes for you.
Make a note that the correct grammar is "because this fiddle doesn't have any notes for you." Grammar, what's that? Daddy's mommy? No. You'll find out when you've lived another five years. Until then, remember: you are not bigger than me, you are not better than me, and you are so not smarter than me.
Sincerely,
Adam DuVander
Comments
TonyGuitar says...
Hi Adam, I left you a note under 'Big mean Bank' Excellent site, Adam, I'll return when more time allows....73s